I did light exercise during weeks 3 and 4 (brisk walking and elliptical machine). Last week I worked out a bit harder (aerobics and walking up big hills). Tomorrow I'm going jogging for the first time since surgery. I hope I can make it at least 2 miles without much trouble. I was used to running about 3.5 miles comfortably, before surgery. My goal is to run a 10k in August, before my next surgery. It will be good to have a goal. Something to work towards. Also, I've been given clearance to lift things again! Including weights! I just have to start slow, listen to my body, and be careful. I hear it's very strange to lift weights with the pec muscle now being positioned differently. We'll see. I am still 3 weeks from bathing/swimming/soaking. Bummer. But at least it's not smack in the middle of the summer. Plus, I don't have a swim suit that fits my strange chest now anyway. So I can't think about swimming!
My next surgery is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday, August 31st. I will have a pre-op appointment a couple of weeks before. We will discuss the size of my cavity (where the expanders are now), how I'm healing, etc. My plastic surgeon will advise me on which permanent (10 years) implants would fit my cavity best. I've already decided on silicone, rather than saline. And I think I want round shape rather than teardrop shaped. Teardrop shaped can appear a bit more natural, on some bodies. However, if they turn or shift in the cavity, you have a problem. Since they aren't symmetrical, if they shift, surgery is required to move them back into proper position, or to replace them. This turning is more common if women are very active. I want to be very active! And I don't want to worry about them turning. Round implants, on the other hand, can turn and shift under the muscle without causing a problem, because they are the same all the way around. I'll find some pictures to better explain, in a future post. Plus, I have more research to do and may not be explaining this all accurately anyway. I'll get educated.
There is also the "profile" of an implant to consider. This is basically how wide the implant is, verses how much the implant projects out. An implant of the same volume can look completely different in different profiles. Think of a round balloon. That would be high profile. Smash it down a bit and you might have moderate profile. Smash it down more (so the base becomes wider) and you have low profile. Even though the volume of the balloon remained the same, it looked very different at different profiles. Because I am not a "wide" person (across my chest), I will likely be best suited for a high profile implant. That means the volume isn't wide at the base, but rather projects outwards.
I've been stressing this week about if I should have another "fill" this next week, or if I'm happy at the current volume of my expanders. I had 60cc injected into each side last week. That puts me at 340cc per side. I feel content with where I'm at, but think I think I will have one more fill to make sure. If I feel uncomfortable and too big, we can remove saline and go back to my current size. I don't ever want to question "Should I have tried a bigger size?" This way, I'll hopefully feel at peace with my decision. It's surprisingly emotional, as much as I wish it wasn't.
I've been surprised with how difficult the decision of size has been for me. I really never thought of my breast size before. I was happy with my body the way it naturally was. I wish I could just have it all back. I'd take my saggy, small, comfortable, nursing breasts any day over the hard, numb, unfeeling mounds I now have. But, here I am. And now I'm being asked to simply decide the size I want. I can't even choose an item from a restaurant menu without a near anxiety attack! I have to read every option before deciding. And I usually still second guess my choice. I can't buy a pair of shoes without going to all the possible shoes stores first. I keep asking myself questions like "How will clothes fit with different sizes? What will feel comfortable as I exercise? If I'm too big, will they be in the way? If I'm too small, will I regret my choice?" Etc. My husband and my plastic surgeon are both keeping out of the decision. Jonathan is so supportive and sensitive to my emotions. He wants me to feel comfortable and only choose based on what I want. Surgeon says she doesn't give her opinion about size. All women have different ideas of what is beautiful. She wants each woman to decide for herself, so it's truly coming from her. I understand this logic, but I just want someone else to decide for me! Ahhhhh!
Lastly, I feel so grateful that things, up to this point, have gone so smoothly. No infections, no necrosis (skin "dying"), and relatively normal aesthetics. Pain, numbness, and limited arm range of motion have obviously been the worst parts, but it's a small price to pay. I would not have all of these advantages and reconstruction options if I had cancer first. It really does feel like I have dodged a bullet. I pray my daughter (and grand daughters, etc.) don't have this mutation. And if they do, I pray for even better options for them.
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